Hark! Good patrons of the humble vending chest,
Attend thine ears to this most curious proclamation: Canteen Vending, purveyor of morsels and draughts, hath agreed to a settlement, wherein recompense shall flow to those who, in times past, did purchase sustenance by coin or by swipe, yet found themselves shortchanged by unseen hands of overcharge.
What Is the Matter at Hand?
In days not long past, grievances were laid upon the house of Canteen, alleging their devices did, in their workings, levy sums unjust and beyond what was fair. Such vexations have now yielded an accord, whereby gold (or the modern equal in paper and electronic form) shall be returned to the worthy.
Who May Lay Claim?
If thou, between the years 2020 and 2024, did procure comestibles from a Canteen vending machine within the bounds of these United States, and thy transaction bore the mark of excess charge, thou art well within the circle of claimants.
What Treasure Awaits?
Though the exact coinage be subject to the tally of claimants, some may find recompense enough to furnish a fortnight’s worth of snacks. Others may, perchance, find their restitution but a modest sum yet justice, even in small measure, is a feast to the soul.
The Hourglass Doth Run
Mark well: the final day of claiming is the thirtieth of September, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Twenty-Five. Delay not, for when the hourglass runs bare, no mortal hand can turn it again.
How to Lay Thy Claim
One must present name, place of purchase, and proof if such proof be in thy keeping. Where no parchment or receipt remains, thy sworn word may yet hold weight in the court’s eye.
📜 Claim thy due here → [Official Settlement Portal]
Key Dates to Mind
- File Thy Claim: By the fourteenth day of November, Year Two Thousand Twenty-Five, all who seek silver must have their claim parchment submitted.
- Opt Out or Raise Thy Objection: Shouldst thou wish to stand apart from this accord or speak thy grievance, the hour strikes October the seventeenth, Year Two Thousand Twenty-Five.
- The Gathering of Judgment: Upon January the ninth, Year Two Thousand Twenty-Six, the court shall convene to grant its blessing or denial of this settlement’s final form.
- Proof of Purchase: None is demanded in thine first petition, though the stewards of the accord may call upon thee for further witness in time.